ead379129cc36a54e0e666d5cf356ffb

A good friend of mine took his life one week ago today….

THERE are NO WORDS….

I have struggled and spent time in silence and then spent time talking nonstop to make SENSE of his choice….

It was HIS Choice………

He was facing challenges……lots on his plate…….

What is left behind now is hurt, confusion, questions and a great LOSS…..

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One of my very wise friends said it BEST….

You never know what is behind the smile…you never know what someone is going through…….

I know how it feels to be lost……..I have had some very sad moments in my life……

I challenged myself EVERYDAY to get up and once my feet hit the ground……..it was a NEW day

But it took GREAT STRENGTH and the love of my 3 sons to get me through it

 

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I will MISS his laughter, his kindness, his SPIRIT so MUCH

BUT for me the Key to his person was his LAUGH….it was a GREAT Laugh

It’s here in my heart…. Always and forever……

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They took a CHANCE on me…. I took a CHANCE on THEM…….

A HUGE Leap of FAITHa494e804c358d2ec5af85d183f52e172Could I possibly go from preschool teacher who loved healthy children to caring for Critically Ill Children who Scared me to Death?

Yes! I could

Yes I did

28 years later……I’m still there

126874914472558233_9qRmiiGP_bMy HEART is SOOOOO Full today as I think back to the beginning……

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THIS song…….Fills my heart.

Today I celebrate my Dad….the man who guided me in the RIGHT direction every time.

We fought…….I was (am) stubborn.……I fought his advice for so many years.

BUT one day he took me aside and said “Shauna go to nursing school…I will make it work”

I did…he DID

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Not a day goes by that I don’t THANK HIM for all his support. I tell the boys my many DAD stories and how blessed I was to have had him in my corner.

Living in the house I grew up in makes me remember quite clearly who I was and who I want to be…….

I try every shift caring for critically ill children and their families to make my Dad proud.

“There but for the GRACE of God go I”

I celebrate my Dad today and the 3 sons who bless me with their unconditional love

Its hard to look at them and know they are all MEN now not my boys

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We are a Party of 4 and I am GRATEFUL for them EVERYday…….one day they will be Fathers…

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619920d0fd54314b2cb17234ad6e8fd2This bag………16 years of going back and forth…….back and forth……..July for me….. November for her

IMG_2970Every year a FANTASTIC treat of LOVE from my very good friend Asunta…….

Its tattered…Its torn & taped…but MOST of ALL…its LOVED

THIS year was NO LESS.….Inspiring………..

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THIS boy turned 21 with a party at the coolest bar in SF ( Thank you Jordan)…….

IMG_2959THIS Mama took herself here……A new favorite place

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Long week……Sums up my week……..

 

 

 

 

5492852bfd148f7dd425bbda7420a3cbDonna Summer may have sung the song, but I feel like I LIVED the song

Hard couple of weeks……Dealing with VERY sick patients who pulled…… tugged……. YANKED at my heart…….

One young man was so sick we had to institute the “Massive Transfusion Protocol”which meant pushing blood so fast to save his life…….

Coolers filled with blood products 

IT was QUITE a NIGHT…..

THAT patient WALKED out of the PICU a week later

My greatest gift that night besides “working hard for the $$$$” was allowing the parents 2.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the room while their son was in surgery to find the bleeding.

I felt so much gratitude from his family for the gift of sleep…..”works hard for the $$$$$ pays off!!!”

My next pt was an 11-year-old  girl who was very sick, but stable enough to remind me of my OWN 12-year-old son…..she baked like him…….she was kind like him….

I cried in my car on the way home……

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The morning after I worked with her she asked me “Who will be my day nurse?”

I told her someone very nice as she was such a nice patient.

She said “Well  THAT is YOU right?”

Be still my “knows too much PICU nurse heart…..”

One week later, she is now on the liver transplant list fighting hard for her life……

The parking garage heard many tears in the last 2 weeks……..BUT

PICU nurses also KNOW how to have FUN...

IMG_2475Enter our Holiday Party.. ……Great Gatsby style………I MAY have worn THESE…….

IMG_2434With THIS my new favorite BLACK dress….

mePhoto credit Andrew Lobre who takes pics so fast I didn’t even smile……. LOVE HIM :)

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IMG_2352THESE 3 ROCK MY  world!!

They rule my HEART

2013 was a challenge, BUT 2014 is OUR year filled with EXPERIENCES

and

those GREAT Mother -Son talks they so LOVE……

We went to the Lands Ends spot the day after Christmas and shared and walked and shared…LOVE

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MY HEART is so FULL of LOVE for my boys!!

They are my NUMBER 1 Priority ALWAYS and THEY know it!!!!!

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I saw this quote defining GRACE and it SPOKE to me….

“Give, and it will be given to you.

A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.

For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

I saw this performance and it gave me strength.

It also happens to be written by Sara Bareilles one of my most favorite singer/songwriters.

ENJOY!!!!!

Holiday post coming soon…….

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